WE PETITION THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION TO:
Secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016.
Those who sign here petition the United States government to secure funding and resources, and begin construction on a Death Star by 2016.
By focusing our defense resources into a space-superiority platform and weapon system such as a Death Star, the government can spur job creation in the fields of construction, engineering, space exploration, and more, and strengthen our national defense.
Created: Nov 14, 2012
Issues: Defense, Job Creation, Science and Space Policy
SIGNATURES NEEDED BY DECEMBER 14, 2012 TO REACH GOAL OF 25,000; 19,419
TOTAL SIGNATURES ON THIS PETITION; 5,581
That's what they call the $67 Trillion off balance sheet financial market, the Death Star(Debt Star), it circles the earth sucking in everything it touches.
Dec 21, 2012: End of the world fever grips the internet. The petition to build a Death Star reaches its signature goal.
Jan 21, 2013: The White House accidentally responds. President Obama announces plans to build the Death Star.
Jan 22, 2013: Republican Leadership blasts Obama for a wasteful, inefficient, and frankly stupid idea. They immediately put forth their own plan consistent with republican values. It is identical to the Obama plan except it's a cube.
Jan 23, 2013: Major media outlets slam the republican plan, pointing out the superior aerodynamics of a sphere as compared to a cube, calling cubes racist and exclusionary.
Jan 25-Feb 7: The General Accounting Office launches a fact finding junket to Las Vegas to determine the merits of cubes versus spheres. The Secret Service questions many prostitutes privately. Questions remain.
Feb 15: With the administration willing to let the government "go over the side of the turbolaser shaft," Congress reaches a compromise: The Death Star will be a sphere built of tiny cubes. The makers of Lego sue.
Feb 19: Al Gore warns that destroying planets may cause those planets to experience irreversible climate change.
Feb 27: North Korea announces it is building the People's Glorious Hurt Ball Kill America-die-die. A terrorist is stopped from boarding an airliner while carrying a grapefruit and a laser pointer. All opposition to the construction of the Death Star ends.
Mar 12: Military leaders insist that the Death Star be redesigned to incorporate Stealth technology, giving it the radar signature of a very small moon. This requires removing the planet-destroying laser and all of the external defenses.
Mar 15: Construction is delayed when military contractors run out of $60 screws. Fortunately, they find that $200 dollar screws can be substituted for only $1,000.
Mar 16: OSHA insists 8 million miles of handrails be installed. This costs three times as much as the Death Star itself. The handrails are mostly installed in closets.
April 7: Iranian clerics announce their intention to build a Death Star and blow up "whichever planet Jews are on." The State Department issues an official reply: "La, La, La. Can't hear you."
April 8: The White House is revealed to have a secret "blow up" list of planets. The administration defends the placement of protoplanets on the list, arguing that they may be accreting uranium in violation of non-proliferation treaties.
